Open Relationship 101

I have been in a couple of open relationships. I am currently in one now. Whenever my better half, way better half, or I mention it to a friend we always get that awkward initial look. The same one you would probably get if you told someone that you used to get paid $15 an hour to clean up after Bill Cosby. Ok, maybe not that bad but you get that idea. Even in 2015 it's quite an unorthodox lifestyle. It's not for everybody and not just because of the stigma associated with it. It's because they are really fucking hard. I have been in both closed and open relationships. Classic monogamy is way more boring but way easier to maintain. The rules are simple. Don't sleep with anyone but me and I won't sleep with anyone but you. This is also why most closed relationships are REALLY boring.

Most aren't that open about open relationships but in this age of progress, transparency, and pumpkin spice everything I think it's about time for a bit of a revolution. Actually revolution is too violent and violence should only be for BDSM. Let's call it a time for some evolution. There is a lot of myths that go on about being in a relationship where you can have options AND stability. Most see it as cheating which is the first head of this short sighted Hydra of misunderstanding that we can slice off.

1. Open Relationships are cheating

The Myth:

If you sleep with anyone other than the one that you love it is cheating.

***Disclaimer***

If you are a woman living in Saudi Arabia please add, "and your clitoris should be ripped out by Mohammed", to the myth.

The Reality:

It is true that you should never cheat on the one that you love. You can cheat in school. You cheat on your taxes. You can cheat on driving sober. You shouldn't cheat on someone that is willing to wash skid marks out of your boxer briefs so that you can feel more comfortable at work. That's love and you shouldn't disrespect it. That person is making themselves more vulnerable to you than anyone else on the planet.

However, what is cheating? For those that have been cheated on they know what hurts the most is the feeling of betrayal that can only come from someone you loved going behind your back. It's the act of deception which makes such an act cheating. That's why open relationships are not cheating since an open relationship is transparent. There are no lies and no surprises.

2. If you are in an open relationship you can fuck whomever you want.

The Myth:

Since you have the option of have other sexual partners you can sleep with whomever.

The Reality:

Total bullshit. This is actually a lesson I have had to learn the hard way but am quite relieved to have done so. An open relationship does mean you can sleep with someone other than the one that you love. On the other hand an open relationship is not a hall pass. If you are with someone that lets you do so then they do not love you. They might be desperate to keep you in their lives. They might be a porn star. They might just want to go behind your back while having an excuse to use against you. However they do not love you.

I have slept with others besides my love but it was after many, many, many conversations, understanding, and reassurances. After that it was still a mutual decision. Both partners have to be cool with it. NOT JUST YOU. If this is what you think an open relationship is then just be single. You'll be happier because of another myth about open relationships.

3. Open Relationships are easy.

The Myth:

Open relationships are easy because you can have multiple sex partners.

The Reality:

More bullshit. Open relationships are harder than a closed relationship since they require WAY more trust. You read that right. When you bring more sexual partners into the relationship there is way more temptation and way more possibilities to hurt your partner. This is why most people in closed relationships cheat. It's easier to not hurt your partners feelings when you have to lie to them.

4. Open relationships are awesome.

The Myth:

It's awesome when you can fuck other people.

The Reality:

Was it awesome when you were single? Unless you're famous you're full of shit. Open relationships CAN be awesome just like a closed one can. It's just about who you are in relationship with. Open relationships come with the same bullshit as closed ones and then some. It's a true test of character to be in one just like it is a true test of character to be in an MMA fight. I used to be an MMA fighter and thought it was going to be fun and glorious. In the end it was just as stressful as anything else along with being punched in the head. It's not a shortcut to happiness. There are no shortcuts to happiness. Happiness is just mere moments with life's hurdles in between.


5. Open Relationships are swinging

The Myth: 

If you are in an open relationship then you are a swinger.

The Reality:

Bourbon is always whiskey but whiskey isn't always bourbon. All swingers are in an open relationship but not all people in open relationships are swingers. Just because one has partners to play with doesn't mean the other will. One half can be perfectly content playing with just you while you play with others.



The Truth about Open Relationships:

Open relationships are still relationships. They require trust, attention, determination, compromise, and humility. Any healthy relationship is like that whether it's your best friend from high school or the one you are married to. Being in an open relationship just gives you more ways to spice things up. They aren't for everybody. There are some people that shouldn't be in any sort of relationship at all since they will never be mature enough to handle one. That's the true reality. Any relationship should be able to help you learn about yourself and some just never learn the lessons. An open relationship isn't a loop hole through that rule. Nothing is.